DEFEATING YOUR SELF-SABOTAGING HABITS

WHAT IS SELF SABOTAGE?

The term self-sabotage which is synonymous to behavioral dysregulation is the act of undermining oneself and effort negatively, which could either be conscious or unconscious depending on your degree of awareness. In other words, self-sabotage is the act of thinking that something is too good enough for you or something is too good to be true. It’s typically attributed to lack of self worth and self-esteem. Self-sabotage makes you as the “saboteur” (A person who practices sabotage) feel like you are not worthy of good things, corrading your self confidence and also leaving you with the I can’t and I don’t deserve this mindset. This believe only validates negative behavior that eat away your potentials and achievements. More so self-sabotage diminishes your drive and motivation leaving you in a state of sadness, anxiety and crippled self-esteem.

IDENTIFYING SELF SABOTAGING HABITS

Self sabotage can manifest in different forms, it's unique to each person. One of the most important steps of identifying a self-sabotaging habit is self-awareness. Being aware of your self-sabotage is one step to overcoming it.

Here are some Self-sabotaging habits below;

1. NEGATIVE SELF TALK

These is one of the commonest self-sabotaging habits, which involves a critical inner dialogue and inner thinking, that reinforces negative behaviors. It's characterized by negative self-reflection and extreme self-criticism thoughts that shrink one's ability to see life positively. It however results to a misplaced sense of worthlessness that justifies negative thoughts.

2. NOT COMITTING TO RELATIONSHIP

Self-sabotaging in relationship can occur in several ways, it sometimes involves engaging in an unhealthy behavior that might put your relationship on a substantial risk or that can ruin your perfectly healthy relationship. For example, having a feeling that your partner is just too good for you, finding a way to get out of your relationship by exhibiting characters that might seem irritating enough to frustrate your partner, holding grudges for no just cause, not keeping to small promises like you do before, stirring up relationship dramas. All these could be as result of low self esteem, fear of commitment or getting hurt. A relationship could be going on well and one of the partners just decides to stop responding to texts or even go as far as ignoring calls which might eventually bring the relationship to halt, leaving one of the partners in a state of devastation, vulnerability and disappointment.

3. PROCASTINATION

Procrastination they say, "is a thief of time". One of the habit a "saboteur" is that they often indulge in procrastination. According to the oxford language dictionary "procrastination" is the action of delaying or postponing something. in other words, it's a deliberate and habitual way of putting off a task that should be done. For example, not carrying out your administrative task until its deadline. This practice usually makes the procrastinator to end up in increased stress, fatigue, depression, guilt, being overworked and even job loss. The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize and to accept that you do it.

4. SUBSTANCE ABUSE

A lot of persons are addicted to drug abuse and alcohol intake, despite the substantial harm and its interference with their goals and values. For example, I have met with several people who had come into conclusion that, they can't carry out their daily routine without the intake of intoxicating substances. I have equally had discussion with students who believes, in the need to abuse substances before they can study effectively or even understand what they are being taught. The uninteresting part of this habit is that they continue down this deleterious pathway of self sabotage in spite of it being injurious to their respective health.

5. PERFECTIONISM

Perfectionism is another self-sabotaging habit that is characterized by a person's concern to be perfect, flawless and extremely distracted with making sure that you are blameless. It is often accompanied with critical self-evaluation about oneself or others. Examples of perfectionism ranges from fear of failure, monitoring one's behavior, wanting to deliver everything in a perfect way, trying to control situations, setting unrealistic standards that leads to numerous forms of problems such as anxiety, low self-esteem, setbacks and depression. Furthermore, a perfectionist invests more in the identity of being called "perfect" which in most cases ends up in lesser or no achievement. 

CAUSES OF SELF SABOTAGING HABITS

Self sabotage isn’t just centered to one cause because it usually manifests in different forms. There are many reasons why people thwart their success, consciously or unconsciously, which eventually results to you not achieving your goals and a failed attempt to becoming what you want to be. 

Here Are Some Causes of Self-sabotaging Habits.

•  Lack of self-care 
•  Childhood traumas
•  Low self-esteem
•  Fear of committing
•  Fear of failure
•  Having unrealistic expectation
•  Lack of trust for self and others
•  Lack of self-love 
•  Self-criticism
•  Fear of rejection
•  Lack of emotional tolerance.

HOW TO DEFEAT SELF SABOTAGE.

Here are 10 ways to defeat self-sabotaging habits:

1. Develop a positive mindset toward life.

2. Believe in yourself (get rid of the I can't mentality).

3. Forgo past experiences.

4. Become friendly with yourself.

5. Practice acceptance and self-care.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.

7. Boost yourself awareness.

8. Stop overthinking and overreacting.

9. Learn to love yourself first before loving others.

10. If need be, see a therapist.

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